


A Not-So-Broken Vessel

by FreakOfYourNature, growingCataclysm



Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Anxiety, Body Horror, Canonical Character Death, Canonical Child Abuse, Collaboration, Emetophobia, Family Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Gore, Help how do I tag, Human gets isekai'd into a Vessel, I forgot to plan this before writing half of it whoops, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Isekai, MC is a dumbass thembo, MC uses it/its pronouns, Main Character has ADHD, My first Multichapter work, Panic Attacks, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Shit's Getting Graphic Real Quick Osrry, Sleep Deprivation (Intentional), Violence, gratuitous sibling cuteness, in just adding that pre-emptively, names have power, void is bullshit hax, weird vessel anatomy, whoo lets go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-28 09:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30137613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakOfYourNature/pseuds/FreakOfYourNature, https://archiveofourown.org/users/growingCataclysm/pseuds/growingCataclysm
Summary: Out of all the things that you expected to do today, crawling out of an egg (An egg!) was not one of them.Unfortuntely, it seems you don't really have a choice in this matter. Bummer.(Updates Mondays and Fridays! Beta read by FreakOfYourNature and set in her Hollow Knight Isekai universe!)
Relationships: Broken Vessel | Lost Kin & Everyone
Comments: 64
Kudos: 113





	1. It Screams, For It Does Not Know

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Not-So-Hollow-Knight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601391) by [FreakOfYourNature](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakOfYourNature/pseuds/FreakOfYourNature). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On one hand, you hated being alive. On the other hand, eggs are fucking gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MADE A MULTICHAPTER FIC BITCHES WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO€!!!!
> 
> this chapter is actually a lot shorter than the other ones i have written fuck yes
> 
> Void speak is written in italics and single quotes! The words in parentheses (and beyond) in voidspeak are the feelings attached to the thoughts that they are sending!

Somewhere in the Abyss, a void egg is dredged up from a void sea. Is the egg made of sea, or is the sea made of egg? The egg is not sentient, so it does not know anything, but I imagine it would scream if it could.

Within this void egg on the shore of the void sea is a tiny void being. It's trying its hardest to sleep, but it's not having a very good go of it. The silence of the Abyss is stifling, cutting through its tired mind like a knife.

Where even was it anyways?

* * *

Your name is…

You can't remember your name. (It's so cold here…)

That should be concerning, but your mind is doing its level best to lull you back to sleep despite the terrible cold silence of… wherever you are. (Your head is so quiet. Where is everyone?)

How did you get here???

...Where is here? (Wherever here is, it's too cold and too quiet and you want _out_.) You try your best to remember where you were (Who you were?) before this, but your mind has latched onto the idea of wanting out and is refusing to let go.

Fine, fine, just quiet down.

You begin to wiggle and squirm, your limbs feeling heavy and weird and _wrong_ somehow. It's not pleasant, so the sooner you can get out of here, the better.

Your clenched fist strikes a hard surface (Ow!) and you quickly turn around as best as you can to face said surface. Placing both (small, _unfamiliar_ ) hands flat against the wall(?) you find it to be smooth and round (It absorbs too much light. It's like the world has been photoshopped away, leaving only you behind. (Who are you?)). You can't make out any sort of opening anywhere, and at a loss for what to do, you strike the wall again.

It _gives_ with a startling crack, and you flinch backwards at the sound and the sudden burst of light. (What…?) The negligent draft coming from outside the egg (Is it an egg? Why were you in an egg?) brings to your attention the fact that you are very, very damp (Ew!). But escape is in your grasp, so you punch again at the fragile wall, widening the hole.

Soon enough you fall out of your egg (Definitely an egg. (Humans don't have eggs! (Are you not human anymore? (One thing at a time.)))) and onto the smooth, cold floor below. You shiver uncontrollably (Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!!!!!) and curl up on the floor. (You are cold and wet and scared and too-small and you just came out of an _egg_ what the _fuck_ you want to cry but it's not working why isn't it working your eyes feel so big and open and your head feels so heavy what the fuck what the fuck what the _fuck_ -)

Breathe in. Breathe out. In four. Hold two. Out four.

Okay. (You try to say this out loud, and the realization that _you have no mouth_ nearly sends you into a panic again.) Take stock. Breathe.

Your head feels weird and heavy. You have no mouth, and you can vaguely feel some odd protrusion (horns?) scraping against the smooth stone of the floor, weighing you down. Your body is really small, and really soft. You don't… seem.. to have toes anymore. (Thank god you don't have a foot fetish.) You have three fingers made of smooth, segmented chitin (Good for rubbing together, bad for picking. (Bad for picking is good for you; everyone (Did they miss you?) was always telling you to stop and drop that particular stim.)) and one soft thumb. Your eyes feel weird and large, but you can still open and close them. If you strain hard enough, you can move your… face?... but not by much.

You shift a bit, and realize that you seem to have been born (what the fuck what the fuck, you're never _aware_ when you're reborn, it's supposed to take years for you to remember!) wearing clothing. What little you know of your body is starting to paint an eerily familiar picture, and you're not sure how to feel about that.

The tattered remains of your system seem to have fallen away completely; your head is completely silent, no curious chirps from the many siblings that once populated its depths. Hesitantly, you reach your mind out…

Something flares to life and _responds_. Somehow, you can tell that the rush of affection and wonder comes from outside you. (It hits you like a truck. You've never felt so loved before.) Carefully, you answer back (You're more than used to sharing your thoughts with your headmates.) with your hesitation, fear, and confusion. Immediately, the unknown entity (Entities, even from here you can tell that they are many.) responds back with comfort and care (It would bring you to tears if you could cry.)

You're starting to think you know what's going on here, and you're equal parts excited and _terrified_. You rise to stand with shaky legs (Your head is off-balanced, with more horns(?!) on one side than the other. You have to lean over to one side in order to compensate. (Before (You don't like thinking about before, but you dislike thinking about _now_ even more.), you wouldn't have been strong enough to do that.)) and turn to face your egg. The surface is a reflective, glossy black, and in it you can see…

Oh _fuck._

(The tiny (intact) face of the Broken Vessel stares back at you.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey gUESgUESS WHO IM COLLABING WITH????
> 
> thats right bitches im so fucking excited
> 
> this is set in a slightly different timeline from NSHK but im not tellin yall how >; D
> 
> im so excited to have a related works thingy that im ACTUALLY happy to have and proud of this time ksjcnekskfjemskjfndns
> 
> if you cant tell by the "main character has adhd tag", the main character (me) has adhd! all the parentheses are my way of showing how my brain has a tendency to go off on tangents
> 
> im allergic to html and the "revising and editing" stage of the writing process so dont be surprised if every chapter gets like a million small changes in the hour after it goes up (including this one!)


	2. I Don't Have Enough Arms To Hug All Of You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our protagonist gains a name and several thousand ghost siblings. It immediately gets attached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *posts the first chapter*  
> all of you: *generously awards me comments and kudos*  
> me: *surprised pikachu face*
> 
> srsly tho ILYASM!!!! thank you so much for the early support even on the first chapter! its so short that i decided to post this one as well, but dont expect this to happen too often! i cant let myself fall of the schedule, haha!
> 
> gonna have to get used to the constant references to my kin timelines and headspace because theyre a big part of my life so obvs theyre gonna be mentioned a lot here

What a weird fucking day this is.

You… are having a hard time processing this.

You're in the body of a vessel now (The Broken Vessel, no less!), you can't remember your name, you are breathing through your _sides_ , and you can feel the thousands of tiny mental voices of your (Former headmates, except nobody that you recognize is here, so maybe not.) siblings whispering through your mind in concern.

Wait. Siblings. (They've all been born. Are you too late?)

You look around, your vision obscured by eggshells that are so, _so_ much larger than you. (Of course you had to be reborn even shorter, because the universe hates you.) Using the cracks as leverage, you carefully climb to the top of one of the larger eggs near you. (Big enough to hold at least three vessels, maybe more. (Four small voices chirp in your head in response. Of course, this must be their egg. (How the fuck did the White Lady get these massive fucking things out?))) The Void Sea is alluringly calm and also completely dark. Where is the lighthouse keeper?

As you look up at the towering pale lighthouse, your siblings respond easily. ' _The light doesn't move anymore,'_ they whisper. _'Their shell broke, and we haven't seen their shade anywhere.'_ Your heart breaks into two at their innocence, and you decide that now is not the best time to inform them that other bugs don't have shades. At least, not usually.

You're startled out of your thoughts by the reminder that _you're too late_. The shade's quiet voices prod at you with worry, but you're a bit busy being angry here. Of course you'd end up too late to actually help anyone! (Useless, stupid, (Don't blame yourself.), too little, too late-)

You feel something cold at the top of your head (mask) and swivel around, meeting the soft glow of two bright, pale eyes. The shade (Barely even a hatchling, so small, so vulnerable- (Dead.)) stares back at you, projecting love and concern in a voice much louder than the others (They're much closer to you, after all.)

 _'Sibling (new, scared) okay?'_ Their words are less words and more a disorganized jumble of concepts, emotions, and ideas, but they get the point across anyways. Still shaking slightly, you pull the small shade into your arms as best as you can, projecting careful reassurance back to them.

 _'Am okay, (little, vulnerable) sibling.'_ Without the buffer of a voice, your thoughts come through uncensored, and you can feel the tiny shade puff up in anger. Your shoulders shake in silent laughter, projecting love and happiness back. _'Teasing (laughter, jokes). Sibling (loved, protected) have name (gift, reference to self)?'_

You knew the answer would be no, and the shade (Two curved horns facing one straight middle horn. (You're getting really tired of referring to them as 'the shade'.)) shakes their head. _'Name? Self? Gift?'_ (Oh boy.)

It takes you a long time to explain the concept of a gift, and even longer to explain the concept of self (You promised to explain the notes of pity (And anger.) in your thoughts later.), but it finally gets done, your sibling (All of your siblings, really. Thank god for having a vague hivemind. What one hears, they all hear. (It's comforting, somehow, to be so connected.)) seeming to shake in excitement. _'Name (self-gift) gift? Sibling (youngest, smartest) give name!'_

Your eyes curve upwards in an instinctual approximation of a smile. (You fight to keep the sadness out of your thoughts.) _'Okay! Sibling ( **loved**_ , _affectionate, protected) name (important, self)…'_ You think for a bit, and then look back at their horns. It reminds you of that weird tower from the Lord of the Rings (You've never seen that movie.), so maybe…? _'Spire (watcher, tower, sorry, outside, cool name).'_

Spire (Their name is a large and awkward thing to send through the hivemind, taking careful concentration to actually shape the thought into a word. Any other names you gave would need to be easier to send.) notices the bits of guilt in your thoughts, letting a bit of concern (And acceptance that now is not the best time, when you send that back.) leak into their thoughts. However, that is quickly replaced by a searing, overwhelming happiness that rolls over the hivemind like a tidal wave. ' _Spire! Spire! Am named Spire! Sibling (happy, smart, caring) give name Spire!'_

You not-smile again, squatting in place as a means of expressing your excitement. (You fight the urge to flap your hands, you have enough weird stims already.) A cursory glance around reveals groups of other shades dancing around joyfully, swirling through the air like swarms of inky black fish. (You _love_ them. (You've only known your siblings for (Half an hour? Ten minutes?) a short amount of time, but if anything happened to them (Something already did.) you'd kill everyone in the room (Except them.) and then yourself.)) Little Spire spins around in the air and then turns back to you, curiosity surfacing. _'Sibling (smart, admired!) have name (precious gift)?'_

Your heart _melts_. If you could die of cute, you would. (Except that would mean that you'd leave them alone, and you didn't want to do that.) (Wait, you don't remember your name. (Uhh…)) _'Me (confused, self)…? Not remember name. (frustrated).'_

Spire makes a low humming sound (You (By nature of being a vessel, or maybe just because you're a bug) are definitely the only one that can hear that, it's so much lower than anything you could have heard before.) and their eyes narrow. _'Will name (thinking, important gift) sibling… Loved!'_

That's it. You're dead. You start flapping your hands excitedly (It's not like they have any concept of weird, or like squatting like you're making juice is any less weird.) and nod so fast that you nearly make yourself dizzy, scooping Spire up into a hug. _'Spire (adored, sweet, kind, caring) give good name (best!)! Love name, love name!'_

Your siblings begin their happy fish dance once more, and the hivemind clamours with joy and love, groups of siblings whispering names (They are precious gifts of selfhood, and you're so, so happy they have them.) to one another. You still don't know where you are, or how you got here, but for a moment, all is perfect down in the Abyss.

* * *

(You were going to beat the _shit_ out of the Pale King when you found him. (And then, after beating him for revenge, you would beat him again (Into shape.) to take care of your siblings properly and give them the happy life they deserve.))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take a shot every time i make an obscure reference
> 
> let me know about any spelling or grammar errors in the comments, dont hold back!


	3. Loved: Squawk Like An Idiot and Shit On Your Desk ==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loved gets ready to set out on an adventure into a Hallownest they barely know. How will Wasp's involvement have changed the dying Kingdom?
> 
> TW: Emetophobia and the thing that triggers it, Homestuck references, and graphic descriptions of ViolenceTM, along with some weird Vessel anatomy and potentially lethal amounts of sibling cuteness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah wasp still exists here (not that loved knows that)! other than that though, my lips are sealed.
> 
> in terms of NSHK's timeline, this takes place about a month after wasp gets the king's brand. now my lips are sealed for real!
> 
> i had 2 leave all weekend to do homework and school stuff right so i get back (im tired and depressed and feel like shit [yknow, bc school]) and i wake yp and check mu inbox and its full of love and i just? waaaaaaaaa thabk you guys so much <33333333

You've spent a few (Days? Maybe days. You didn't have a good sense of time even when you had the sun to keep track of it with. [It's not like this body needed to sleep or eat. {Thank god.}] down here with your siblings. You've settled down nicely. [Maybe a proper introduction is in order.])

* * *

A young vessel stands in the Abyss. It hasn't been here for very long, and even if it had, it's certainly nowhere near its birthday. Maybe. (It doesn't remember when its birthday was Before, and it definitely doesn't know what day it is now.)

Your name is Loved, and you think that you are very much deserving of that name (No thanks to your depression, which seems to have followed you into this body, if only a little bit. [It's certainly not as bad as Before.]) You once had a variety of interests, but since none of them exist anymore, you've adapted them into stories that you will sometimes tell your siblings.

Speaking of, you have a large number of siblings. (You don't know the exact number, and you've never been good at estimates. You just know that there are a lot of them.) You share the Abyss with them, and even though all of your voices were stolen by your sire, the Pale King, you all communicate through a sort of pseudo-hivemind that allows you to share thoughts and emotions with one another easily. (It is, without a doubt, the _best_ way to communicate.) Your siblings are a bit naive and easy to impress, and the names they choose for themselves are weird and often get lost in translation, but you love them anyways, and wouldn't trade them for the world.

What will you do now?

...

Anyways, that's enough of that.

You and your siblings have explored a good portion of the right side of the Abyss, even though you staunchly refuse to go past the tiny pools of Void that lead to the left half and towards the exit. Nuh-uh, no way. (You had no interest in stepping on your sibling's broken shells, even if they attached no value to them. [Your siblings often asked why you didn't leave your shell and join them. You weren't quite sure of the answer yet, {It's not like you _enjoyed_ having a body when you were human.} so you tell them that you don't want to give it up before you can get it back. {Explaining benches, like everything else, is a long and tiring process. (Your siblings are so curious and eager to learn that you suck it up anyways, your heart overflowing with pride every time they learn something new.)}])

You've thought of burying the broken shells, but you're not sure if you could even go over there, much less touch them, without getting sick (Ew augh no nope nope not thinking about that, _nope!_ [You don't even have a mouth, how would you--?] NOPE! [Your eyes--?] _NOPE!!_ ). Besides, it wasn't like the thing about them not caring about their shells had stopped being true or anything.

Anyways, it'd been some amount of time before you woke up (Were born?) here, and you'd best not put off asking the questions you need to ask any longer. Ghost, the Pale King, the other escaped vessels…

First up was Ghost.

You reached out to the rest of the hivemind (It felt like some mental limb reaching back into a writhing foggy gateway in the back of your head. You were used to visualizing your mental interactions this way, it helped you focus. [Any spare bit of focus you could dredge up was valuable, especially since Adderal didn't exactly exist here.]) and made a soft, mental humming noise. This caught your sibling's attention, so you posed your question.

_'Sibling-named-Ghost (sister [strong, protector]_ _give name in future_ _, still has shell, curved horns, two points) here? Gone where?'_ You ask, along with a few quick flashes of the tiny vessel. You were the only sibling still in their shell here, so you know that the others had to have left. _'Left already with Sibling-in-Greenpath and--_ _?'_ You cut yourself off mid-thought, remembering with a quick stab of guilt that you were the Broken Vessel (What happened to them? Usually when you were reborn, you'd gain a mind independent to that life before remembering the earlier ones. You worry about them often. [You ignore the guilt you feel from the knowledge that they are certainly dead, and you killed them.]).

Regardless, your siblings call out with recognition when you show them the two hatchlings. A chorus of voices returns that Ghost left long ago with the Beloved-Kinglight. (That's what they called the Pale King. [Wait, that isn't right. Ghost didn't make it.])

You project your confusion openly, showing them the Hollow Knight being taken by the Pale King and Ghost falling back into the dark. _'Wait (confusion, uncertain, question, wrong),_ _Sibling-named-Ghost left with Beloved_ _(lies)-Kinglight (hated, pale, abandoned)? Where Sibling-named-Hallow?'_

At the mention of the Hollow Knight, you get hit with a rush of what can only be described as "mixed feelings". Some voices send whispers of admiration, others hope, or fear, or anger. You're a bit too overwhelmed to try and pick apart and acknowledge each of your sibling's individual responses, instead focusing on the flashes of memory each of them send you.

(There is a tiny vessel [Was that Hallow? The horns were right, but their body looked weird, uncannily muscular in the dim light] standing beside the door to the Abyss, holding an odd-looking gray club in their tiny, unshaking hands. [You ache with the desire to hold them, _protect_ them, make the danger go away.] The door beside them disappears in a flash of pale light that makes them flinch away. [You hold your breath at the sight of the Pale King, unsure what your {Tiny, vulnerable.} sibling would do when faced with him. {Don't get hurt, please.}])

(But then, to your surprise, Hallow rushes forward, bringing the club down on the Pale King's tail with a mighty **"Thwack!** **"** . [Holy _shit_ , go Hallow, go! Kick his ass!] That swing alone fills you with shocked pride, but then the little vessel brought the club back up and around, this time slamming it into the Wyrm's face! You can see the Pale King's mask crack and crumple in on itself, can hear the vile sound of his chitin shattering. Before either of you can react, Hallow sheathes their club and breaks off running, [Holy shit, they're _fast._ ] leaving the Pale King in a groaning heap on the floor.)

You process the memory with a soundless gasp, your hands starting to shake and flap without your permission (Stop that, bad hands.). _'That was Sibling-named-Hallow?_ _They (strong, fast, surprising, proud) escaped?!'_

All of your siblings respond with agreement, and you need to sit down for a second, holy shit. You can feel adrenaline rushing through your body as if the memory was your own, as if you were the one hitting the Pale King in the face. (That would bring you immense satisfaction, but you know you'd never leave your siblings behind. [You need to find the others.])

After a bit of this, one small presence (You recognize them [Even telepathically, they don't have true "voices", but each thought carries with it a distinct, indescribable feeling that identifies its origin.] as Little-like-Flower. [Two thick horns that go back and curl tightly in on themselves, with another sharp horn like a cut branch protruding perpendicularly to the main ones.] [Names don't translate well in the communication network made of small flashes of thought and feeling. "Little-like-Flower" is the best translation you have for what they are usually "called" in informal situations, flashes of soft petals {You taught them about those!}, quiet whispers, wind and delicate things.]) pipes up in a soft whisper.

_'Sibling-in-Greenpath (kind, curious, scared) left to look for Big-sibling-Hallow (admired like Loved) and Sibling-named-Ghost (worry, far away) when we couldn't feel them both (worried, scared, hurt?) anymore.'_

That surprises you. (Not that they left to look for Hallow and Ghost [Were they okay?] [The Greenpath Vessel {You need to find something else to call them} is so brave... {You are so proud.}]), but that they had found a way out.) _'Sibling_ _(worry, found dead in future,_ _shade not returned?) got out_ _(kingdom, good friends, loved friends)?_ _Where? How?'_

Little-like-Flower quiets (You could say that they wilted, ha!) at this (Were you too loud in your desperation to find the exit?). _'Exit on other side (Loved-sibling hated place).'_

Oh. That explains their hesitance. (You love them so much.) You respond with quiet acceptance, needing a bit of time to think. You really, really don't want to go into the corpse room (Maybe you'll get Abyss Shriek and the Shade Cloak on the way? [Could you get Abyss Shriek without Howling Wraiths?]), but at the same time, you didn't want to stay here forever (There was nothing to do here, you'd get sick of spending all your time with your siblings [Thanks, 'rona.], and besides, they deserved the chance to see the rest of Hallownest. [Find the Mask Maker, fix the shells of the ones who wanted their shells fixed, and show them all to the nearest hot spring.])

You reach out with the weird metaphysical mind-limb, stretching your mind out over Hallownest to look for the missing vessels. It didn't take you long to find GPV. (As you're calling them for now.) Their mind is vague, but alive, somewhere up and to the… Left? (You don't have a very good sense of direction. [Or really any spatial perception. {Really, you don't have much perception at all. (At least you weren't nearsighted anymore, small blessings.) You never really paid much attention to the world around you.}]) Their thoughts are too far away to feel, but you send them a wave of love and affection anyways, assuring them that _I'm coming, I'm on my way, you won't be alone anymore._

However, you can't feel Ghost or Hallow anywhere. (Worry ached in your chest at this. Were they already dead? Had they been sealed? Had the Pale King killed them? Where were their shades?) You want to curl up and fret with worry and let your siblings comfort you, but you can't. You won't. (You have to bring them home, let them know that they are _loved_.)

By now, the rest of the shades were talking amongst themselves, wondering what you were going to do. (A wave of fondness rushed through you at their curiosity. [You'd failed the siblings you had before, but you swore you'd do right by these ones.]) _'Little-like-Flower.'_ You call, and their head jerks to attention. _'Will go.'_

A feeling of surprise ripples through your siblings, several voices of concern (You recognize them as Light-finder, Loud-Mess-Maker, and Sharp-like-Spikes, among others [Your memory is a lot better in this body. It's almost scary.]) pipe up, worried about how you'd react to the other room (They didn't understand your revulsion, but they loved you, they cared, and they worried for your health.) _'Will be okay. You all here (safe, fine, okay). Will not like (guilt, anger), but want to find Sibling-in-Greenpath more.'_

At this, they quiet down, and the hivemind wobbles with the realization that you were leaving. (Your heart aches.) _'Will return soon, with sibling (worried, found dead) and will show you all outside (big world, pretty things, wonder, hope, curiosity, love, friends). Promise (sacred, will keep always)._ _'_

Your siblings seem to accept this, but that doesn't stop them from descending on you with all the force of a Vengeful Spirit. (Can you even use Soul? You want to. [You hate missing pun opportunities, but you hate repeating words when you're not excited even more.]) The inky black tide of Void sweeps you up in a million tiny hugs and you laugh softly, hugging as many shades as you can back.

_'Will find Sibling-named-Ghost (worried, not hollow, hurting, sealed?). Will find Sibling-named-Hallow (hated?, hunted?, scared?). Will find Sibling-in-Greenpath (alive, safe, okay). Will return (determined, stubborn, promised).'_

* * *

_'Promise.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look man im just a simple filthy homestuck, dont @ me
> 
> halfway through writing this chapter i swivelled in terms of how sibling names work (they graciously reminded me that names dont really stick in thoughts (they named themselves like they did because they didnt have any other examples)) so i had to go back and edit everything whoops


	4. Haha Now You've Got Let It Go Stuck In Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raw Void is cold TM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
> 
> BONUS CHAPTERS BITCHES

The first thing on the list of things to do (An actual list that you kept in your head. Usually you would doubt your ability to remember it, but your memories were stronger and stayed clearer now.) would be to go and get the Shade Cloak and Abyss Shriek. The Void Sea didn't scream and thrash at you (You hadn't hurt it like the Kinglight had.), so making it across and to the statue was an easy, if boring, trip.

The statue was so, so much larger than it had looked in the game. You found the Abyss and the Ancient Basin comforting (It was _home._ ), but this was very, very much not. A few curious shades trailed behind you (Light-finder was among them, always curious and up for adventure, along with One-who-Sleeps [Teasingly nicknamed "Sea-drinker" after they'd tripped and fallen into the Void Sea] [You hadn't slept yet. Wouldn't sleep. {You were too scared of Her, even if none of your siblings had encountered Her when they dreamt.}] and World-Weaver [They'd picked up on your habit of telling stories quickly, and soon began telling stories of their own.]), but they all stayed a cautious distance away from the beastly statue. You couldn't blame them.

You breathed in and whispered a quick prayer to the Lord of Shades (Were they sleeping? Dead?  Yet to be born ?), and then jumped into the pool of Void it held. (coLD  _ COLD COLD CO _ **_LD COLD COLD COLD--)_ **

Your siblings flinched away from the loud shrieks you threw into the hivemind ( Distantly, you registered World-Weaver fleeing.), but you were too busy flailing about and shrieking to care. Chilling, cold, freezing, all of those words fell dreadfully short of describing the terrible cold that settled deep into your flesh and was quickly travelling up it. It was like being dunked into a bath of dry ice, except it kept rising,(You hate the cold, make it stop, make it  _ stop. _ ) and it's only through sheer willpower ( You're  _ not _ doing this again!) that you don't throw yourself out of the bowl. You shake and writhe as the Void travels up your arms and reaches your mask and you are suffocating, suffocating, you can't breathe, help, it's getting hi _ gher its reaching your eyes help ple _ **_ase I can’t sEE--_ **

Just as quickly as it started , it ended; the piercing Void settling back into the bowl and returning to a comfortable temperature. What remained on your body settled and sank within you, condensing into a metaphysical ball in your midsection that radiated a deep, lonely chill.

Shaking, shuddering, shivering, you fell out of the bowl and onto the floor. ( Thankfully, nothing cracked. It didn't even hurt. [Distantly, you remember the Knight being impervious to fall damage.]) You were quickly covered in a swarming mass of shades, curling desperately into their comforting warmth. They sent comfort, worry, care, affection, as many positive and warm feelings as they could directly into your mind.

You wanted to cry for so, so many reasons, but you couldn't, (Fuck the Pale King, and not like Herrah had.) so instead you just curled into your sibling's arms, squeezed your eyes shut tight, and shook.

( No matter how much shivering you did, the ball curled tight within you ensured that you stayed cold.) 

Eventually, the shivering stopped, and you got used to the ever-present chill seeping into your body from within. You could feel the hivemind still simmering with worry (And slight curiosity.  Many siblings noticed that you'd gotten much colder to the touch, but they tried to keep those thoughts to themselves, and you were grateful) when you stood up, but you gently reassured them all.  _ 'It's okay, (still scared but can handle [can't stop]) am fine now (cold awful, hate, want to punch).' _

The mass of Void lifted off of you and separated back into distinct shades, wide pale eyes watching you with worry regardless. ( You'd die for them.)

_ 'Need get one more thing (strong spell, powerful, protect self) in shell room (worried, scared, strong, can handle).' _ Your siblings acknowledged this and floated away, a few staying behind. Notably, Spire  (nicknamed First-named [They wore this, too, with pride] for ease of communication) stuck close to you, reassuring you through the connection.  _ 'Will stay with Loved-sibling (worried, will protect), Loved not alone (promise).' _

You couldn't help but crinkle your eyes into a smile at their loyalty, pulling them into a tight squeeze.  _ 'Thank you, First-named-Spire. (genuine, can't do alone, grateful)' _

They nuzzle up to you and then you both share a determined nod, stepping out of the room. ( You'd need to test Shade Dash at some point, b ut for now, you didn't want to even  _ try _ interacting with the chilling presence settled in your gut.)  The journey back was just as boring as before . (You're pretty sure there used to be a Shade Gate there, but there clearly isn't one now.) You float across the Void Sea and quickly traverse the metal platform passing by the long-dead lighthouse and its keeper's corpse. (You feel sorry for them, but what's in the past is in the past.)

Ahead of you lies the path leading into the main chamber of the Abyss. You can tell you're shivering slightly, and the cold has nothing to do with it. With all the gentleness of a spring breeze, Spire wraps a Void tendril around one of your larger horns. Your shaking stills as you look up at them, eyes wide open.

_ 'You can do it (hope, believe, trust, proud, strong sibling).' _ The rest of the siblings readily echo the encouragement. (You're going to cry.)

You take a shaky breath (You don't need to, but it grounds you, and reminds you of a time before even the last life you had. [This isn't your first reincarnation.] [ As a side note, you had been slightly disconcerted to learn that you breathed through six holes in your sides where there would be sets of arms on other bugs.])  and step forward. Once, then twice, and then you were slowly walking towards the central chamber. Throughout the whole walk, Spire never left your side.

Eventually, you reach the last pool before the tunnel opens up. You can't help but take another breath to steady yourself, taking another one of Spire's tendrils into your hand. They squeeze gently and you squeeze back.

You close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

And begin walking forward into your Sibling's graveyard.


	5. All Around Me Are Familiar Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loved finally goes to face the skeletons in the Pale King's closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TW FOR THIS! im not holding back on describing the abyss, so i foyu want to skip, do it.

Stepping into the main cavern is like stepping into a nightmare. (It's a small blessing that there was no fire or Nightmare Essence involved.) Empty shells littered the ground, attached to broken bodies in various states of decay. ( You have never been so glad to be lacking in a nose.  [You want to feel bad about making so many jokes about your sibling's corpses, {Their  _ corpses _ !} but you know that if you didn't,  you'd break down not-crying and you really didn't want to end up like that again today. { You can't remember the last time you slept ( You count "today" as the time between sleeping and waking). Your memories of your last life are fuzzy, and you're still too scared to sleep.}])

You shake your head to clear your thoughts, looking up at the platforms leading to the entrance in order to avoid looking at the shells. (Some of them had gaping holes in their heads or middles, too clean to be from the jagged spikes, fatal wounds clearly made by a nail. You're horrified, disgusted, furious - every adjective you can think of - at the Pale King.) It's dizzyingly high up, (Why does your body have to be so _short?_ Wasn't it bad enough being below five foot last time?) the way further up marked by platforms. (Thankfully free of shadow creepers.)

You take another breath and look back down again. (The corpse below you belonged to a sibling you'd cheekily named "Life-ender" for their short temper. Their body is covered in large, jagged tears made from falling into the gleaming, pale spikes.) Spire reminds you that you need to move forward and you nod, carefully moving Life-ender's corpse out of your path.

You close your eyes and spread your feet apart a bit, and then take off running across the chamber. Every crack (punching straight through the old, brittle chitin of their shells and snapping horns clean off at the base) and squelch (easily tearing into and through the rotted, fleshy mixture of Void, Soul, and hemolymph of their bodies) makes you want to stop and flinch, but you don’t stop, not even when you hear an eerie  _ crunch, _ (one of the few remaining intact eggshells shattering)  not even when you nearly trip on a pair of long, thin horns. (Eerily similar to Ghost's, but not quite.  You can't tell who they belonged to, and you don't stop to think on it.)

Soon enough, you slide to a stop in the hallway leading to the Abyss Shriek room. You hold your arms tight and shake so hard you think  your bones might shake right out of your body . You want to scream, to cry, to wail and mourn in bitter anguish  for the crimes their- no,  _ your _ Sire committed . (This is  _ your _ life now, these are  _ your _ Siblings, he is  _ your _ sire, and their hurt is  _ your _ hurt. You have more memories than you usually would, but that didn't stop the change of identity.) You hold in the urge, tamping down on the writhing of your Void.  You need to wait until you get there.

You can feel Spire getting closer,  but you need that grief and anger with you to even attempt to scream. (Would it work?  [No, no, don't think like that. Magic works on belief and intent, you need to believe. {"Yeah, I know! I gotta believe!" chimes a distant memory that makes you smile slightly despite yourself.}]) You open your eyes and speedwalk across the hallway, watching the hallway open up into a wide hall.

This room always creeped you out in the game, so much you only visited it twice (Even with your habit of just vibing in the Abyss after getting the Voidheart); once to get Abyss Shriek, and another time when you were checking the Abyss for secret rooms. Something about the shrieking faces always rubbed you the wrong way , and that hadn't changed now.

Don't get distracted, now! You clambered onto the platform, your mind easily wandering back over to the crumbling of chitin beneath your feet. Your Void began humming with anguish again, your hands clenched into fists as you reached deep within yourself. (You hate him,  the Pale One broke them, stole their lives all for a sacrifice, a doomed sacrifice ,  it would all be for  _ nothing _ .)

A bit above the cold ball was a different ball, one that seemed to lack in any temperature at all, pitted with thousands of tiny holes like the surface of the moon. You grabbed it tightly, focusing your anguish - your  _ rage _ \- into it. You let them coil, pool, writhe around one another and then you yanked it upwards and outwards, and you  **_screamed_ ** .

A shrieking burst of Soul and Void  _ exploded _ from your mask just as Spire arrived, and they curled into a flinch. You make your grief known, the screams echoing through the hivemind as you were once again engulfed in freezing, liquid Void.  You were prepared for it this time , but the cold still hurt like thousands of needles piercing into your soft flesh. The pain only made you scream louder, and once more, the Void sank within you to join the pre-existing ball.

You fell to the ground, shaking violently as Spire rushed over to you.  _ 'I'm okay (needed scream, stronger now, sorry loud hurt). First-named okay?' _ They nod quickly and nuzzle up under your mask, smooth Void rumbling in their best imitation of a purr. ( You told them about cats in a story a while ago, and many of your sibling's took to imitating the animal's behaviour . [So cute…!]) You calmed immediately and rumbled back at them through the void, making sure they knew of your gratitude. (You also make sure to send an apology to the rest of your siblings; the screaming had undoubtedly hurt their ears. [ That's something you had a lot of practice with apologizing for. ]  You assure them there will be no more screams , guiltily basking in their comfort. [Do you even deserve it?])

You let yourself breathe. The deed was done.  Little-like-Flowers would come in to show you the exit soon ( They'd insisted on escorting you.) ,  and then you'd leave the Abyss.  You couldn't help your fear as you stepped back out of the room, no longer immediately panicking at the sight of the corpses. (You let your eyes fall out of focus, the details and forner identities of the shells fading into shapeless fuzz.)

Part of you doesn't want to leave. The Abyss is  _ home _ , the Abyss is  _ safe _ . But the shades deserve the chance to know a real life outside of this dead, empty place. You wanted to give them the life the Pale King had stolen from them. ( You  _ will _ give them back the life that the Pale King had stolen.)

Little-like-Flowers arrived far, far too soon, and you waved goodbye to Spire, eyes focusing on your surroundings again. They led you up the platforms patiently, ( You weren't used to exercise, even if this body didn't get tired or need to breathe . You fell several times, and the squish-crack noise of you falling onto your Sibling's corpses was one you were very,  _ very _ eager to forget.)

Finally, you made it up to Little-like-Flowers. They direct your eyes up to see a fucking huge gaping hole in the cavern wall. (The Lifeblood cavern! Of course! You feel a bit stupid for not thinking of that earlier.) The inside of the cavern (You're sure there's some fancy term for it, but Google didn't exist here [You took a moment to mourn the internet. {Realizing that  you'd never be able to listen to your favourite songs again was a surprisingly deep hit;  music had been such a big part of that life. (They couldn't sing then , so of course the universe had to be cruel and take their voice away entirely this time.)}], so "cavern" was the best you could do.) is dark, but not as dark as the cut-out nothing of the Void Sea. This darkness has a sense of warmth to it, your sensitive eyes easily able to pick out the multitude of colours hidden in its depths.

You turn to Little-like-Flowers and open your arms for a hug. ( They'd always been a bit iffy about touch.) To your surprise, they all but jump into your arms, squeezing the air out of your vestigial lungs with every bit of strength they have. It's only a moment before you're returning the hug, burying your face into their shoulder.

_ 'Ghost-Who-Always-Comes-Back (sibling, come home, all safe).  _ _ Will come back _ _. Love you all. (protect siblings, loved siblings, will keep safe, protect, always, never hurt again)' _

Slowly, Little-like-Flowers detaches from you, waving goodbye. You wave back and give the Abyssal floor below you a final look, smiling fondly at the sight of thousands of pairs of tiny eyes waving back to you.

_ 'Goodbye. See you soon (best wishes, hope, love, stay safe)!' _

You turn away from your siblings and walk forward into the enormous cavern. Whatever challenges Hallownest had for you, you would face them, and you would win.


	6. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops! All filler!

This is possibly the longest hallway you've ever walked through. (You're so bored!)

Your eyes can easily pick apart the minute differences in colour and light that signal the presence of stalactites or stalagmites or the occasional pit of spikes. It's all just flat ground and spiky things.

After a few minutes (Maybe? You can still hear your siblings loud and clear, [They're just as unimpressed by this tunnel as you are.] so you can't be that far from the Abyss.) of walking, the boredom finally wins and you twinge in annoyance, trying to focus on the cold pit in your stomach as you're walking. (If you nearly fall into spikes a few times, nobody has to know.)

Your mind tries to wander away (Would Quirrel be there? [When even are you?] What about Hornet?), but you quickly reel it back in. You have to practice with Shade Dash eventually, so it might as well as be here, where there's nothing to see or attack you.

Focusing on the cold pit, you experimentally attempt to wiggle it around a bit. To your surprise, it works, but you immediately overbalance and fall over. (Ow. [Your horns don't have a lot of nerves in them on their own, but falling on them makes your head spin and ring in a decidedly unpleasant way that always means a migraine might be coming on.]) You shove yourself back up, wobble a bit, and finally stand up fully. (You were tempted to cut one of these stupid things off.) Shaking the weird pit didn't do anything except make you dizzy, so it's probably safe to say that that's not how you activate Shade Dash.

You turn to a long, flat stretch of cave and focus on the cold ball of Void once more. (Maybe…?) On a whim, you try to throw it up and outwards like you did to scream and-  _ ohholyshitthosearetentacles _ . (Really, what did you expect?)

It takes you a few seconds of measured breathing to calm down again after your back had just fucking  _ exploded _ into a writhing mess of tentacles. That could be useful, but it wasn't Shade Dash!

You continue experimenting for a while as you walk. (Focusing on the pit covers your main body in a thin layer of Void. [You did the same thing to the ball of Soul {This covered your mask in a similar layer of Soul.} and realized that you were just focusing. {You didn't know what use there was in focusing Void, but you were always open to surprises.}] You tried pushing it forward and just ended up overbalancing again, except this time you fell on your face. After a while of this, you stopped thinking about what you were doing and just internally screamed at it. [Your void rippled weirdly, the way that the muscles in your leg would occasionally wiggle for no reason Before, but nothing else.]) Eventually, you'd learned how to briefly turn invulnerable (Squishing it.), and it was a start, at least. (Maybe the Mothwing Cloak was needed to dash? [There would be no corpse to rob if you could help it, so you'd need to buy one or blackmail Hornet.])

After this, you let your thoughts wander back to the NPCs (They could respond for real now!) you'd met in-game. You were especially anxious to meet Quirrel. You hadn't ever bothered to hide your squish on him, after all. If you can get out of this without killing the Dreamers, (Even Lurien, snotty simp that he is.) you will. (Even if ascending the Pantheons would be absolute  _ hell _ .)

What about Hornet? Would she try to kill you? (You hope not. She's your big sister now, and fighting your big sister doesn't sound fun. [You don't even know  _ how _ to fight!]) You shudder and put thoughts of Hornet aside.

Slowly, as the comforting mental weight of your siblings gets farther and farther away, your thoughts wander to Her. You're going to have to sleep eventually. (Would She be a mindless fount of anger, unwilling to listen? [Would She be a hurting Goddess-Mother, Her children killed and converted by an invading force who thought he knew best?]) You don't know how to think or feel, how to confront the massive fucking problem that is the Radiance.

(You'd rather not hurt anyone if you can. [Even the Pale King.])

* * *

The voices of your siblings are far away now, and you'd been walking for a long, long time now. You don't like being alone, and now that you've experienced the hivemind (Can you really be closer with someone than to hear their thoughts and have them hear yours?) the loneliness only feels all the more sharp.

You're cold, tired, lonely, and sore. You know you'd feel better after some sleep, but (You weren't eager to get a facefull of concentrated, searing Light anytime soon.) you're scared. Hesitantly, you sit down against a wall, leaning your left side against a large boulder. (It was nearly  _ orgasmic _ to finally stop compensating for your horns. Your body didn't need sleep or rest or food, but it could still hurt. [The steady ache of your neck stood as testament to that.])

You can't help but fidget around nervously. Sure enough, your fingers are too smooth and hard to pick at, (You don't have skin anymore, how wack is that?) but that doesn't stop you from twisting them around one another in an anxious, writhing dance.  You're starting to wish that you'd slept earlier, close enough to still feel your siblings' comforting presence in your mind.  ( You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if you got Infected and hurt them. ) But that is neither here nor now.

You exhaled through your sides, (Briefly, you entertained the idea of using the odd flaps to mimic a flute. You'd try that in the morning.) trying your best to relax against the smooth, cold rock. You were very much used to being wrapped in several comforting layers of very fluffy blankets, (Definitely blackmailing Hornet when you meet her.) so needless to say, the cool smooth stone isn't very comfortable.

_ 'Beggars can't be choosers,' _ You whisper to only yourself, mulling over the words. They were true, but you hated them. Generally, you just didn't like idioms; too many times your Mother had loved to use them against you Before. (You thank whatever higher beings are listening [Unn? Maybe the Radiance, since you're about to sleep…] that you don't have to eat.)

You stopped yourself; there was no point in mulling over the past. If anyone had been reborn here with you, you'd find them soon enough. (That didn't stop you from missing them like a sharp stone of longing lodged into your chest.)

…

Cold and alone, cloak still stained with your sibling's rotted hemolymph, you fall into a fitful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks again for reading!!! it means so much that youre here! if you enjoy this, try reading NSHK or anyone of our other stories!


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